My experience with imposter syndrome — and how to (partly) overcome it

post by Luisa_Rodriguez · 2022-04-21T19:55:54.302Z · EA · GW · 22 comments

Contents

  How imposter syndrome has capped my impact so far
  How I (partly) overcame imposter syndrome
  How common is imposter syndrome?
  Do you have imposter syndrome?
  How might imposter syndrome affect the impact of your career?
    Imposter syndrome can lead you to (mistakenly) rule out impactful options
    Some concrete examples:
      Laura Pomarius
      John Steinbeck
    Imposter syndrome can reduce your day-to-day impact
    Some concrete examples:
      Tom Davidson
      Jenna Peters
    Imposter syndrome has community-wide effects
    Some concrete examples:
      Mikaela Saccoccio
      Will MacAskill
  What you can do if you’re struggling with imposter syndrome
  Learn more about imposter syndrome
None
22 comments

This is a linkpost from https://80000hours.org/2022/04/imposter-syndrome/ 
 

In a nutshell: I have imposter syndrome, and I suspect many other people trying to have a big impact with their career do, too. For a long time, imposter syndrome massively limited the impact of my career by causing me to rule out potentially impactful options and affecting my day-to-day job performance and satisfaction — but through talk therapy and other tools, I’ve mostly overcome it. If you think you might struggle with imposter syndrome, tackling it may be one of the most important forms of personal development you can do. It was for me.


I’ve felt like an imposter since my first year of university.

I was accepted to the university that I believed was well out of my league — my ‘stretch’ school. I’d gotten good grades in high school, but I’d never seen myself as especially smart: I wasn’t selected for gifted programmes in elementary school like some of my friends were, and my standardised test scores were in the bottom half of those attending my university.

I was pretty confident I got into the university because of some fluke in the system (my top hypothesis was that I was admitted as part of an affirmative action initiative) — and that belief stayed with me (and was amplified) during the decade that followed.

Throughout that decade, there was evidence that I really was good at my work at different points, but I could always come up with an explanation for why the evidence was unreliable.

For example, as an undergraduate, I was the only first-year student in my biology department to get a research internship at the Mayo Clinic — one of the most prestigious biomedical institutions in the US. But I felt I only got the internship because I’d met the right person at the right time, and tricked them into thinking I was smarter than I was by saying smart-sounding things.

Likewise, during my final year of university, I was given an award for being the top performer in my sociology department. But I believed that was just because the professors ‘liked me’ and thought I was ‘nice.’

My feelings didn’t end at university. They came back when I was offered an internship at GiveWell after graduating. But despite the fact that I had completed multiple work tests and had interviewed with the CEO, I told myself I only got that internship because my resume made me look more competent than I was (because of years of tricking other people into giving me internships and awards!).

More recently, I published a series of blog posts [EA · GW] on nuclear war on the Effective Altruism Forum while working at Rethink Priorities, and got a lot of positive feedback. But I also got some negative feedback about some mistakes I’d made in my analysis [EA · GW] — which, to me, confirmed that anyone reading my work closely would realise the work was riddled with mistakes and flawed reasoning.

And then when Will MacAskill, apparently impressed by my nuclear war research, asked me to do research into civilisational collapse for his upcoming book, I felt like even more of a fraud — like I’d tricked Will into thinking I was a good researcher by publishing low-quality research that ‘passed’ as good.

Rather than assuaging my insecurities, my successes actually made me feel more ashamed, because they meant that I was fooling more and more people in increasingly high-stakes roles. Now that I was being asked to do things that I thought really mattered, I was going to really be letting people down.

Writing this now, I’m astounded by the mental gymnastics I was performing to maintain the belief that I was fooling everyone. Looking back, I’m proud of the achievements in that list. And even long before I was working on those impactful projects — and even if I’d never worked on things like research for Will MacAskill — there was and would have been plenty of reason to think I had something to contribute.

But somehow, I believed that I was both terrible at my job, and also excellent at the skill of seeming great at it; I believed I was both much less competent than my exceptionally smart colleagues, and also that they weren’t smart enough to realise I was a fake. Some truly ridiculous contradictions.

Thankfully, I’ve come a long way in overcoming my imposter syndrome. But I’ve met a lot of people struggling with the same things in the process — people who’ve noticed ways their imposter syndrome has seriously curtailed their impact (and their wellbeing) — and I’ve come to suspect that imposter syndrome might be especially common, and especially harmful, among people trying to have high-impact careers.

Below, I explore why I think that might be, why it matters, and concrete things my friends, colleagues, and I have found helpful in overcoming imposter syndrome.

How imposter syndrome has capped my impact so far

My imposter syndrome has had really significant effects on my day-to-day work and productivity.

For example, when I first started at Rethink Priorities, I was so worried my manager would realise I wasn’t actually any good at research that I worked long hours to compensate for my perceived incompetence. (To be clear, this was driven by my own anxiety, not by anything my manager did or said.) Working such long hours got me close to burnout, plus a case of repetitive strain injury that still flares up four years later.

Additionally, while doing that research at Rethink, I caveated everything in my writeups so heavily that no one reading them would be able to tell what I really thought. (If they couldn’t figure out what I really thought, they couldn’t realise I didn’t know what I was talking about!)

Similarly, while working as a research assistant for WIll MacAskill, I procrastinated showing him my research drafts for months — which made me lose out on valuable feedback from him early on in my research, when it would have been most useful.

And since joining the 80,000 Hours web team as a writer seven months ago, I’ve avoided writing articles for the website, preferring projects focused on user experience and web analytics instead, out of fear I’d be outed as a bad writer (until now — progress!).

What’s more, my imposter syndrome also made it near-impossible for me to think clearly about how to have the highest-impact career possible — to look at my strengths and weaknesses head on in order to work out which impactful roles I might actually be well suited for.

I simultaneously hoped I was competent enough to have a high-impact career, and was terrified I’d fail if I tried. And the only way to avoid the painful reality that I might not be good enough to have an impactful career was to make sure I wasn’t being too ambitious.

This meant almost never applying for impactful roles I thought I might not get. And it meant shying away from more responsibility in the roles I did get.

For example, after working as Will MacAskill’s research assistant for about six months, Will asked me to be his chief of staff. But I didn’t want the job. I felt that only someone more competent than me should be doing a job that important — someone who wasn’t faking it like me. I ended up accepting the role in the end, but the feeling that I shouldn’t be doing such a high-stakes role stayed with me.

Likewise, when I was given the opportunity to give grants to help reduce the probability of nuclear winter, I turned it down. I didn’t want myself or anyone else to realise I wasn’t any good at grantmaking.

I think it’s possible that these were big mistakes. Rather than pursue an ambitious goal like nuclear grantmaking with some chance of failure, I chose to guarantee failure by not trying in the first place — at least then I could maintain the belief that maybe I’d have succeeded.

How I (partly) overcame imposter syndrome

Despite being promoted to Will MacAskill’s chief of staff, I was more confident than ever that I was a fraud. No amount of positive feedback I got could convince me otherwise (nevermind the fact that this meant simultaneously believing that Will MacAskill was both brilliant and dumb enough to be fooled by a ‘dummy’ like me).

These worries took my anxiety to new heights, and caused my first major depressive episode.

While discussing my fears with a friend, they hypothesised that imposter syndrome — on top of being the root of my depression and anxiety — might also be the single biggest factor limiting my impact.

I was sure that they were wrong: “Sure, that might be the case for people who are really suffering from imposter syndrome, but I’m an actual imposter,” I thought. But the idea that something like imposter syndrome might meaningfully cap my ability to have a bigger impact felt important enough that I decided to explore it.

I started seeing a therapist who specialises in anxiety, depression, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome — which are often linked together, and certainly were for me. My therapist recommended we use cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to understand and address these issues.

First, we explored how the behaviours I thought were protecting me from being outed as an imposter were actually reinforcing the imposter syndrome. By doing things that would ensure no one else would realise I was a fraud (or have it confirmed for myself), I was also making it harder to get and believe evidence that I wasn’t one. For example, by working excessively without telling my colleagues, any praise I got on my work could be chalked up to my long hours rather than my abilities.

Second, we looked at how my low self-esteem biased my thinking in ways that made it really difficult to develop an accurate view of myself. For example, through things like:

I found I was doing almost all of these. I was also applying them asymmetrically: there was one set of standards for myself, and a whole separate set — a more charitable and generous one — for everyone else.

And together, my unhelpful behaviours and my biased thinking meant I was locked into a self-reinforcing imposter syndrome cycle:

After understanding how my imposter syndrome was a self-perpetuating cycle, my therapist and I made a plan for me to start trying to get real, incontrovertible evidence about my abilities. No more hiding behind long hours and caveats and self-deprecation. To do this, we came up with ‘experiments’ that would break the imposter syndrome cycle by abandoning one of my self-protective behaviours, or challenging my biased thoughts. For example:

Each time I did these experiments, I got clarity on what my actual strengths and weaknesses were.

This wasn’t an easy process. Unsurprisingly, the positive feedback felt wonderful, and the negative feedback felt kind of devastating. But both were necessary to develop more accurate views of my abilities.

It took a lot of work to both 1) update the right amount in response to the feedback (internalising the positive, not catastrophising about the negative), and 2) come to terms with the fact that I was sometimes finding out I wasn’t as good at a given type of work as I really wanted to be. (Using the CBT tool called a STOPP really helped with the latter.)

But for better or worse, all of the feedback — feedback I’d been trying desperately to avoid before that point — allowed me to think more critically about how to have a bigger impact, given my actual strengths and weaknesses.

And I made a lot of progress. I learned that I’m a good but not phenomenal researcher (and I worked on accepting that that didn’t mean I wasn’t a good or worthwhile person). I also learned that I’m pretty great at project management and data analysis.

In this way, addressing my imposter syndrome was fundamentally a truth-seeking exercise.

And just like it’s crucially important to be genuinely open, curious, and truth-seeking when forming a judgement on what the world’s most pressing problems are, it’s crucially important to be open, curious, and truth-seeking when forming a judgement about what you might or might not be capable of.

How common is imposter syndrome?

A meta-analysis of 62 studies found that estimates of the prevalence of imposter syndrome ranged from 9% to 82%, and affects both men and women (though it may be more common in women), as well as people of all ages (though it may decrease with age).[1]

Some indication that imposter syndrome is common in the effective altruism community is that when 80,000 Hours’ Chief of Staff Howie discussed his imposter syndrome publicly on The 80,000 Hours Podcast, the episode quickly become the podcast’s most popular episode ever — by a long way.

It wouldn’t be surprising to me if imposter syndrome were more common among people trying hard to do the most good they can — for a few reasons:

Ambitious goals. The careers we think are most likely to help as many people as possible tend to require a lot of ambition — often, the more ambitious your career path is, the more likely it is you’ll be able to truly move the needle on a pressing problem. But if you’re aiming that high, it makes sense that you might have a lot more doubt about your ability to achieve your ambitious goals.

An impressive community. We’ve helped build a community of people trying to do a lot of good with their careers. And we’ve focused on reaching especially capable people, with the hope that they’ll be able to use their talents to make progress on the world’s most pressing problems. But being surrounded by such impressive people can mean frequently comparing yourself to exceptionally gifted people — so it’s no surprise that being part of that community can exacerbate imposter syndrome (as well as insecurities of other kinds!).

Personality traits. More speculatively, I suspect people motivated to do as much good as they can with their careers might be more likely to have personality traits that make them more predisposed to imposter syndrome — traits like high intelligence, perfectionism, conscientiousness, ambition, and neuroticism (especially anxiety, guilt, and shame).

Philosophical views. Lots of people aiming to do as much good as possible are inspired by so-called ‘demanding’ worldviews such as consequentialism (the idea that it’s always morally better to do the thing that creates better outcomes). For some people, that can mean self-worth becomes tied to exceptionally high moral standards, which can sometimes (but not always) feed into an imposter syndrome cycle by both raising your standards and making the idea that you might not meet them even more distressing.

Do you have imposter syndrome?

We’re obviously not in the business of diagnosing mental health concerns, and we’re big proponents of seeking professional support.

That said, to get a sense of whether you have imposter syndrome characteristics, you can use an imposter syndrome screening tool like the Clance Imposter Syndrome Scale. You’ll read 20 statements and indicate how often the statement feels true to you (on a scale of 1 to 5), and then calculate your total score.[2]

A few example statements:

Do any of those statements ring true? If so, I’d encourage you to answer the complete questionnaire on your own.

Or does this sound like someone you know? If so, consider sending them this article.

How might imposter syndrome affect the impact of your career?

I know first-hand how terrible imposter syndrome can feel. I spent years feeling ashamed of being inadequate, guilty for tricking people into thinking I was more competent than I was, and terrified of being found out at any moment.

In my view, those painful feelings are reason enough to make addressing your imposter syndrome a top priority. No one deserves to feel that way.

But on top of that, there’s a strong case for addressing imposter syndrome just in terms of increasing the positive impact you can have with your career: imposter syndrome can hold you back from doing the things you are absolutely capable of doing to help others.

To work out how to have the biggest impact possible with your career, you need to answer: how are you best placed to help solve the world’s most pressing problems? What are your strengths and weaknesses, and how do they affect what roles you’d excel in?

Imposter syndrome is fundamentally about a disconnect between your beliefs about your abilities and your actual abilities, so it often makes it impossible to think realistically and accurately about what your career options are.

This has real implications for how impactful your career is.

Imposter syndrome can lead you to (mistakenly) rule out impactful options

80,000 Hours cofounder Benjamin Todd laid out four key reasons to be more ambitious with your career plans if your primary goal is to have an impact. In his words:

In a nutshell: why to be more ambitious

  1. If you care about the number of people you help, it can be worth betting on a small probability of helping a huge number (unlike with personal goals, where most things have diminishing value).
  2. The wide variation in how much good different career paths can do means that low-probability, high-upside scenarios can be the biggest driver of your impact.
  3. Aiming high has more information value, since you give yourself the chance of being positively surprised.
  4. Other actors are risk-averse, so you’ll face less competition.

Because people with imposter syndrome systematically underestimate their abilities, they’re often much less ambitious than they could be. They may avoid applying for competitive roles and internships within a given career path because it’s less painful to not apply for a role than to get rejected from one.

Not only is this a loss in terms of their immediate direct impact — in some cases, the person would have succeeded in the career path, or gotten the job or internship — but it can also reinforce their imposter syndrome, by seeming to confirm their negative beliefs about themselves:

What’s more, for some people with imposter syndrome, this can mean ruling out entire career paths that seem like they’re ‘only for more capable or intelligent people’ (I often hear this about founding new projects tackling top problems). And because some career paths are probably orders of magnitude more impactful than others, ruling out impactful paths because of imposter syndrome could cause someone to leave a lot of impact on the table.

Some concrete examples:

Laura Pomarius

After reading Doing Good Better [? · GW], Laura Pomarius decided to commit to doing as much good with her career as she could. She applied to an EAGx conference with the aim of learning more about high-impact careers.

But once there, she felt everyone else at the conference was much more impressive than she was, despite excelling in both her undergraduate studies and being promoted within three months of starting her first job at a mental health startup.

Others saw her potential more clearly, and she ended up getting one-on-one advice from our former career advisor (now podcast host) Rob Wiblin. He introduced Laura to community members who encouraged her to apply for four jobs they thought she was a good fit for. To her surprise, she was asked to interview for all four (including with our cofounder and effective altruism thought leader, Will MacAskill), and was offered three job trials — two of which ended with job offers. She accepted one of them, as web officer at the Future of Humanity Institute.

A year later, when Will MacAskill was looking for someone to help him write his TED talk, he thought of Laura, who’d impressed him in her interview. After nailing the TED talk project, Will made Laura yet another job offer. They ended up setting up the Forethought Foundation together. According to Will, Laura increased his impact by a whopping 30% during her time there.

But Laura very nearly never did any of that. Because of her imposter syndrome, she’d never have considered aiming for such an ambitious career trajectory on her own. Had she not been pushed to be more ambitious (at each step of the way in her journey), she’d probably have had much less impact with her career.
 

John Steinbeck

While writing the Grapes of Wrath — a book that sold 430,000 copies during its first year of publication, was the New York Times bestseller in 1939, and won the National Book Award and a Pulitzer Prize — John Steinbeck kept a diary. Of his future Pulitzer Prize–winning novel, Steinbeck wrote: “This book has become a misery to me because of my inadequacy.”

The rest of his diary is full of self-doubt and self-flagellation — with dozens of entries revealing he was convinced that his prior success was a fluke, and that his new book would out him for the imposter he was sure he was: “My many weaknesses are beginning to show their head. I’m not a writer. I’ve been fooling myself and other people.”

Steinbeck almost certainly suffered from imposter syndrome. Despite positive evidence about his abilities, part of him seemed to believe that he’d tricked people into thinking him a great author — not because of his talent and skill, but in spite of his mediocrity.

Luckily, Steinbeck didn’t let his feelings of inadequacy keep him from finishing Grapes of Wrath, or later works, like East of Eden — which together earned him a Nobel Prize in Literature.

But are there missing great novels that weren’t written because their would-be authors worried they weren’t talented enough to write them? And are there also missing paradigm-shifting papers (for example) that haven’t been written because the would-be researchers worry — maybe even despite evidence to the contrary — that they’re not smart enough to produce them?

Imposter syndrome can reduce your day-to-day impact

According to a meta-analysis of 19 studies (mostly of healthcare professionals), imposter syndrome is associated with worse job performance, higher stress levels, lower self-esteem, lower overall job satisfaction, higher rates of burnout, less career planning, lower motivation to lead, and lower motivation to take on more responsibility. Given the nature of the syndrome, this makes sense!

Many (perhaps most) people feel all of these things from time to time. Getting negative feedback can often be hard — even for people with robustly high self-esteem — and lots of people struggle with procrastination for a host of different reasons.

But for people who have imposter syndrome, these can be so extreme that they have even more significant effects on job performance — and by extension, the amount of impact they’re leaving on the table.

What does this look like in practice?

How these behaviours can contribute to an imposter syndrome cycle:

 

Some concrete examples:

Tom Davidson

Tom is a senior research analyst who does research on whether AI might be developed soon, and if so, what the key risks are. Despite going to a top-tier university and working for Open Philanthropy (a very selective foundation) since January of 2020, Tom routinely feels like an imposter.

On top of making him much more anxious about his work, his imposter syndrome threatens to affect his actions on a daily basis. He’s reluctant to share his work in public (because people will think it’s flawed), to track and report how long he’s spending on his research (I should have a better output in that amount of time), to organise calls with researchers in his field (they’ll be surprised at how little I know), and to take on ambitious projects (I’m not good enough to succeed). In addition, he finds it hard to think clearly about his strengths and weaknesses, and how he could have the biggest impact, due to worrying about whether he’s “good enough.”

Tom sees a therapist about his imposter syndrome. It’s helped him to recognise his perfectionism, challenge the double standards he uses for himself vs others, and to reduce the effect of imposter syndrome on his decisions at work.
 

Jenna Peters

Despite designing a set of tech systems to multiply the impact of 80,000 Hours’ advising team, and helping to hire key team members to both 80,000 Hours and the Centre for Effective Altruism, Jenna still finds imposter syndrome affects her on the day-to-day.

Her imposter syndrome makes it harder for her to be as autonomous and ambitious as she otherwise could be: she’s noticed she wants to check in with her manager about projects’ next steps more often than she thinks is ideal (I might mess up and take the wrong step!), and feels averse to projects where she’ll be the final decision-maker (what if I make the wrong call on this high-stakes project?).

She’s also found that her constant self-doubt makes it harder for her to voice ideas and concerns in team meetings (what if I say something obviously wrong or dumb?) and think bigger (I’m barely managing to do my job as it is; how could I possibly succeed at something even more ambitious?).

But Jenna’s made a lot of progress on her imposter syndrome by working with a therapist to challenge her imposter syndrome-driven beliefs, and with her manager to investigate her actual strengths and weaknesses. By doing so, Jenna’s found a role at 80,000 Hours that capitalises on her strengths — and that she finds a lot more motivating and satisfying.

Imposter syndrome has community-wide effects

Back in 2012, we helped start the effective altruism community of people trying to do good for the world. The thing is, the entire community loses out when individuals suffer from imposter syndrome.

Community members with imposter syndrome are less likely to give talks, write publicly, or mentor others, because they’re worried others — their audience, their mentees — will realise they’re imposters. They’re also more likely to defer to others and less likely to critique dominant ideas, because they can’t imagine being able to contribute to a field full of (seemingly) smarter and better-informed people.

Together, this means the community as a whole gets fewer talks, less research, a smaller talent pool, fewer mentors, and less refinement of its ideas:

What’s more, there’s some evidence that imposter syndrome disproportionately affects people of colour, so we are likely to lose out on talent and ideas coming from those already underrepresented communities.

Some concrete examples:

Mikaela Saccoccio

Mikaela works as the executive director of the Farmed Animal Funders donor group, a role with the potential to majorly influence the priorities of the animal welfare movement.

Despite being routinely asked to speak at public events and write blog posts about farmed animal philanthropy, Mikaela has avoided those opportunities, convinced that she’d be “taking space away” from more knowledgeable and experienced animal advocates. Mikaela told me: “I’ve been executive director of Farmed Animal Funders for over two years now, but I only spoke publicly for the first time about a month ago. I was surprised to hear how much people valued what I had to say, and I now wish I’d embraced opportunities for ‘thought leadership’ sooner.”
 

Will MacAskill

80,000 Hours cofounder William MacAskill struggles with imposter syndrome on a regular basis. Despite being a tenured Oxford professor, writing a successful book on having a big impact (Doing Good Better [? · GW]), and founding several organisations doing some of the most promising cause-prioritisation and community-building work we know of, Will still worries that he’s not good enough to do the work he’s doing — in particular, that he’s not smart enough to do it well.

Thankfully, imposter syndrome hasn’t stopped Will from pursuing a very ambitious career, but it has limited his impact. For example, after writing posts on the Effective Altruism Forum, he was incredibly anxious. In his 80,000 Hours Podcast episode, he describes the anxiety dreams he had for weeks after posting: “… my dreams would be the most literal anxiety dreams you could imagine, which are like people talking and people being like, ’Yeah, we lost all respect for you after you wrote that post.’”

This has been true for non-public writing, too. For example, in 2020 (while Will and I were working together on his book, What We Owe the Future) he felt unconvinced of arguments he’d heard about the magnitude of global catastrophic biological risks this century; he eventually wrote up his reasons why and shared them with relevant researchers, but doing so caused him a lot of anxiety and interfered with his sleep. He’s also had longstanding confusions and scepticism of some areas of current AI risk discussion that he hasn’t pursued as much as he might have done, which he thinks is in part because of imposter syndrome: public disagreement makes it more likely that he’ll be “shown” to be a fraud. In one conversation we had about imposter syndrome, I pointed to the philosophy papers that he’d published in high-ranking journals as counterevidence. He replied that his “brain simply didn’t believe that [he] had actually written those papers.”

This anxiety around discussing uncertainties and confusion (in public or even just with other researchers) probably means global priorities research is less transparent, slowing down the intellectual progress that can be made when key ideas are scrutinised and refined through discourse.

Fortunately, Will is putting effort into pushing back against his imposter syndrome tendencies, and sharing his uncertainties and disagreements with other cause-prioritisation researchers — including ideas he feels more shaky on — so they can be discussed more widely.

What you can do if you’re struggling with imposter syndrome

If you think you’re struggling with imposter syndrome, you’re certainly not alone (I’d argue you’re actually in pretty good company, as you can see above).

And while it’s not easy, it’s definitely possible to overcome your imposter syndrome.

Lots of people with imposter syndrome have quite deeply ingrained thought patterns that operate pretty strongly to stop them from really internalising true, positive things about themselves. It’ll take some work to recognise and tackle those thoughts patterns head on.

As a starting point, here’s a collection of advice that my friends, colleagues, and I have found helpful — things you can start doing right now to challenge your imposter syndrome:

None of these steps are easy. They require a lot of strength and a lot of bravery.

But being convinced that you’re an imposter doesn’t just come with a huge personal cost — it might also be preventing you from doing as much good as you are actually capable of.

That certainly was the case for me.

I’m by no means cured of my imposter syndrome. I still feel imposter-y fairly often — including, ironically, while writing this article. Over the course of writing, my lingering imposter fears meant I delayed sharing early drafts (and as a result, spent time ‘perfecting’ sections that were later cut). And when I did share the draft, I was so worried they’d turn around and tell me it was rubbish that I struggled to focus on my other work.

But I’m a lot closer to finding out how to best use my strengths to try to help solve pressing problems than I was two years ago — two-years-ago Luisa wouldn’t have written this article at all.

So, if you think you might be suffering from imposter syndrome, taking some of the steps above to overcome it might just be the most important thing you can do right now.

A huge thank you to Laura Pomarius, Tom Davidson, Jenna Peters, Will MacAskill, and Mikaela Saccoccio, for sharing their experiences with imposter syndrome.

Learn more about imposter syndrome

 

  1. ^

    A meta-analysis of 62 studies found that the prevalence of imposter syndrome depends a lot on how you measure imposter syndrome and where you set the cutoff. Because of that, estimates of imposter syndrome prevalence vary widely. In those 62 studies, prevalence rates ranged from 9% to 82%. So it’s hard to know just how common it is.

  2. ^

    A higher score suggests you have more characteristics consistent with imposter syndrome, but note that imposter syndrome might be a useful framing for you even if you only relate to a couple of common experiences.

22 comments

Comments sorted by top scores.

comment by Yadav (AryanYadav) · 2022-04-21T22:27:40.567Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Thanks for writing this! Especially this part:

I strongly recommend you aim to decouple your self-worth from your productivity and impact — to internalise that you have intrinsic worth no matter how productive you are or how much impact you have.

I was lucky to have a therapist who was able to help me internalise this, and I think it has been incredibly valuable in helping me break some of my negative thought patterns and self-deprecating tendencies.

Replies from: starmz12345@gmail.com, howdoyousay?
comment by Miranda_Zhang (starmz12345@gmail.com) · 2022-04-22T12:12:13.581Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Would love to hear about what worked for you! I think I feel that particular point much more strongly than the rest of imposter syndrome (e.g., I don't notice myself avoiding jobs that seem too important) but I don't feel like I've made that much progress in ~2 years of therapy.

edit: updated towards 'maybe I do actually have imposter syndrome alongside general low-self-esteem' after I took the screening tool & realized that I do have a bottleneck around " putting your work out there"

Replies from: AryanYadav
comment by Yadav (AryanYadav) · 2022-04-22T22:44:45.888Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

I note down certain lines my therapist tells after a session. I look over them from time to time. One that's stuck with me is  "You don't need everything to fall in place for you to be okay. You don't need everything to fall in place for you to love yourself." These act as good reminders for me when things aren't going so well in my life. 

But other than that, I've found reading things like what Luisa has put out to be very useful. For example, someone sent me this essay by a law professor that was super valuable to read.  

I've also found self-hypnosis and meditation helpful but I think these can have varying degrees of usefulness for people.

comment by howdoyousay? · 2022-04-22T08:30:28.137Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Agreed, and I was going to single out that quote for the same reason. 

I think that sentence is really the crux of imposter syndrome. I think it's also, unfortunately, somewhat uniquely triggered by how EA philosophy is a maximising philosophy, which necessitates comparisons between people or 'talent' as well as cause areas. 

As well as individual actions, I think it's good for us to think more about community actions around this as any intervention targeting the individual but not changing environment rarely makes the dent needed.

Replies from: Vivian.Lwd
comment by Vivian.Lwd · 2022-04-22T15:53:57.221Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

A central moral claim of effective altruism is the equal respect owed to beings regardless of what they can do for you because what matters is the capacity for joy and suffering.  That's why the drowning child hypothetical is so compelling.   The observation that some people are more talented than others is, or at least should be, only relevant to effective altruists instrumentally in service of the moral claim.

comment by TimothyTelleenLawton · 2022-04-22T22:22:12.242Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Luisa, I'm so glad you wrote this. I somehow found tears coming to my eyes when you turned towards better epistemics as the solution. Maybe some part of me was expecting you to surround yourself with a lot of positive and true thoughts and people (which would also be good but... not as powerful and awesome?).

Extra joy as I check the byline before leaving this comment and see that this was written by you, a friend from the GiveWell chapter of our journeys!

One section of your article that I was really hoping to see and didn't:  The good things that Imposter Syndrome might be trying to protect.

This section is not yet written in my head but I'm sure I could help you write it if you're interested. Something feels important to me about this piece of the puzzle for reasons I have not yet articulated.

Thank you for all your service toward the greater good over the years.

Replies from: Luisa_Rodriguez
comment by Luisa_Rodriguez · 2022-04-27T14:41:33.913Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

This meant so much <3

I love the idea of adding a section on good things that imposter syndrome’s trying to protect :) I’d love your help writing it if you’re up for it! I’ll DM you :) 

Replies from: TimothyTelleenLawton
comment by TimothyTelleenLawton · 2022-05-16T00:22:27.533Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Here's some thoughts from DM with Luisa. She said she agreed with these and suggested I just post these now in comments. So here goes!

It might be dangerous to talk too much about 'the good things imposter syndrome may be trying to protect' unless/until we have sufficiently crushed imposter syndrome (ie convinced the readers that it doesn't serve where it doesn't serve). So I think the fact that the intuition to add this section came up for me is a sign that I feel like your article crushed it!

In my mind, the purpose of this section would not be to be a counter-argument, or a reason to have imposter syndrome. It would be to help people keep their eyes open as they take any interventions against imposter syndrome so that they don't accidentally throw some babies out with the bath water.

Some good things that seem to sometimes cause imposter syndrome:

  • Protecting honesty in self and community
  • Defense against overconfidence/delusion
  • Overcoming the unilateralist curse
  • General caution (e.g. the precautionary principle)
  • Incentivizing people to gain better contact with reality, like you did!

OK, I'll stop there, though I'm guessing we can come up with more? Obviously a lot of these are overlapping.

comment by Bridges · 2022-04-22T05:08:31.416Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Yass kween

comment by calebp · 2022-04-22T13:08:13.621Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

This is a bit weird and not really a framing that I expect to be helpful for most people here, I recommend that you probably don't internalise the following or maybe even read it. I think that it is worth this comment partly for transparency and in case it is useful to a few people.

I have recently found it helpful to think about how important and difficult the problems I care about are and recognise that on priors I won't be good enough to solve them. That said, the EV of trying seems very very high, and people that can help solve them are probably incredibly useful. 

So one strategy is to just try and send lots of information that might help the community work out whether I can be useful, into the world (by doing my job, taking actions in the world, writing posts, talking to people ...) and trust the EA community to be tracking some of the right things. I find it helpful to sometimes be in a mindset of "helping people reject me is good because if they reject me then it was probably positive EV and that means that the EA community is winning therefore I am winning (even if I am locally not winning).

comment by Miranda_Zhang (starmz12345@gmail.com) · 2022-04-22T13:38:23.678Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

I think this is a great example of a thoughtful self-care post, and I'd love to see more posts like this.

I really appreciate how detailed and open this post is. The concrete examples bit is especially useful, as it shows the clear disparity between one's distorted (imposter-y) perceptions and the mainstream (undistorted?) perception!

I've ordered the two workbooks and will see if those help me specifically tackle ound self-esteem, scrupulosity, and imposter syndrome! More broadly, I found the Feeling Good Handbook useful for general depression/anxiety symptoms.

comment by isabel · 2022-04-22T00:01:45.515Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

thank you for writing this! your personal experiences were extremely relatable. I laughed at "Remind yourself that it’s someone else’s job to figure out whether you’re meeting their standards as an employee, so you don’t need to constantly feel angst about whether you should quit to save them the trouble of firing you." (I will not type up the counter-argument my brain is attempting to come up with)
 
one of the ways in which ~imposter syndrome has made me worse at accomplishing things is that it has made me worse at asking questions when I was confused, because I was afraid that the questions I would ask would give me away as an imposter. this isn't all downsides: it probably resulted in me being better at working through confusions that I have, but also cost me a lot of time. I personally found reading https://danluu.com/look-stupid/ helpful for that specific facet. 

comment by MaxRa · 2022-04-22T10:48:24.087Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Thanks for sharing your experience!

I have a relatively mild version of imposter syndrome and a "hack" that helped once or twice is being upfront about how I think about my abilities.  If people still want to work with me I feel like the expectations are at least more in line with reality and nobody will be particularly disappointed. And then I might as well make the best out of it.

Oh, and another hack that comes to mind is making predictions about my performance. After writing down "Okay, I got to application round 2. Maybe there's a 10% chance that I'll get to round 3, and a 1% chance that I'll get a job offer..." I feel more decoupled from the whole process, like I'm doing an experiment and am being #reasonable no matter what happens because I'm making predictions. xD 

comment by Vasco Grilo (vascoamaralgrilo) · 2022-05-08T11:25:35.710Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

You can download this spreadsheet to quickly assess the extent to which impostor syndrome experiences interfere with your life, based on the Clance IP Scale[1] [EA(p) · GW(p)].

comment by Emily Grundy · 2022-04-28T06:15:07.124Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

I loved this write-up Luisa, thanks so much for sharing! This line made me laugh (and resonated with me quite a bit):

Sure, that might be the case for people who are really suffering from imposter syndrome, but I’m an actual imposter”

comment by ekka (Eddie K) · 2022-04-22T19:29:13.907Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Thanks for sharing this! I felt like I related to it at a lot. Instead of thinking that I'm fooling people I often just distrust the positive feedback I get and only trust feedback that is negative. If I get positive feedback from others I almost always disregard it and chalk it up to people being nice, sarcastic or too afraid to express their true opinions to a person of color. From my perspective anything I'm able to do anyone can do if they really want to and I'm not exceptional at all.


On a meta level I filled out the imposter syndrome questionnaire and felt like an imposter when I got a really high score! Though maybe this is not imposter syndrome and it's just some other form of self-doubt. I even experience imposter syndrome writing this comment, like "That was a great post, what worthwhile thing can I even say about it and why would anyone care." Jeez I need to work on it.

comment by Eli Rose (reallyeli) · 2022-04-22T04:58:38.177Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Thanks for posting this. I found a lot of it resonant — particularly the stuff about inventing reasons to discount positive feedback, and having to pile on more and more unlikely beliefs to avoid updating to "I'm good at this."

I remember, fairly recently, taking seriously some version of "I'm not actually good at this stuff, I'm just absurdly skilled at fooling others into thinking that I am." I don't know man, it seemed like a pretty good hypothesis at the time.

Replies from: calebp
comment by calebp · 2022-04-22T12:59:25.303Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

I think this might be one of my current hypothesis for why I am doing what I am doing. 

Or maybe I think I think it's ~60% likely  I'm ok at my job, and 40% likely I have fooled other people into thinking I'm ok at my job.

comment by bhishma · 2022-04-24T16:37:18.518Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Thanks a lot for writing this. Got a lot of useful pointers. 

One important failure mode which I went through is to totally ignore my impostory thoughts by just inverting the feeling (just try to enforce the belief that I am not an impostor) . That might help with some symptoms but doesn't solve the entire problem.  I would also caution against your advice of taking ambitious projects on the grounds of - a) Reversing every advice you get b) Without the right social framework to deal with your impostor syndrome, it has a non trivial chance of actually exacerbating  the problem. 

What personally worked for me is to take the signal seriously (to the effect that it's something to be worked on and not ignored) but not take my internal criticisms seriously. And take small steps in establishing trust with a few people initially and then scaling it up.  Increasingly I find the framing of my work as being part of a team, useful in dealing with it. It makes me prioritize things better than just aiming for personal perfection. 

comment by Max_Carpendale · 2022-04-22T13:56:12.982Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Thanks so much for writing this! It's really good to hear from other members of the community who have struggled with this. It sounds like there are a lot of shared elements, and I think talking about it openly makes it easier for other people to do so. It's certainly been easier for me to bring up my imposter syndrome now that it's widely understood to be a problem in the community and bringing it up helps with recovering from it. 

 

Some things I find are helping in my case:

- Getting a lot of feedback. I find that my doubts flourish and grow in "the gaps" when I don't have much feedback. I sort of automatically convince myself that my work is terrible unless there is good positive evidence that it isn't, to reducing the situations where this can happen has been very valuable. This includes what you said about being more open with things like first drafts and the amount of time I spend on tasks. It's difficult because you reflexively want to avoid doing this when you have imposter syndrome because you don't want to be "found out". So imposter syndrome blocks off its own solution.  

– Paying special attention to positive feedback to increase its salience and make it more difficult to rationalize away.

– Psychotherapy for guidance during this process.

comment by Vasco Grilo (vascoamaralgrilo) · 2022-05-08T09:44:14.737Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

Thanks, I really liked this article!

comment by Kayode Adekoya · 2022-04-25T22:19:28.445Z · EA(p) · GW(p)

This piece "imposition syndrome " is so deep ,revealing and educative and honing my career path development for impact. Thank you